I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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