Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
