Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
