I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
