She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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