When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Alive.
So much puke
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
