i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
