have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
