I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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