is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
