You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
You took a bar mat shot.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
