ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
