i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
