around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
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