and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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