Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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