Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
