I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
did i just pee glitter
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
