break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
