Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
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private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
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After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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