you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
