I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
