dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
