I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
porn star boner night. come get it.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
