i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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