Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
