I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Randomize
