So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
