my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
