so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
