I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
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