So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
