Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
