He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
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She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
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Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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