I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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