M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
