I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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