well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
