Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I stole a fireplace last night.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
