champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
