Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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