our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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