separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
