I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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