Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
