i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
