I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
How naked do you want me to be?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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