im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Someone stole a lamp last night.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
