He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
