He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
