I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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