it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I smell stomach acid.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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