Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Don't tell me you're on acid again
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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