I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
