my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
