it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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