i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
