is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
