On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
