I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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