i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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