Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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